


all i want (is to be your harbor)

by fantasticfours



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, bruce is an angsty teen tho it's understandable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 02:19:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13378050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantasticfours/pseuds/fantasticfours
Summary: In which Bruce is sad and Alfred helps.





	all i want (is to be your harbor)

When Bruce first approached Alfred with his idea of roaming the world and training so that he could come back to Gotham and fight crime, Alfred was understandably worried, but he didn't think Bruce would actually go through with it. It was the idea of a young child, who wanted to change the world and make it better - though commendable, it was both dangerous and unlikely to happen.

When Bruce didn't seem to give up on the idea though, and kept to it after a few months, Alfred started getting really worried.

He observed him as he read through book after book about crime and law and criminal justice, and as he tried to find the best places to train his body and skills, and what he saw just made him feel worse until one day he decided to do something about it.

Bruce was sitting against a wall in the library, his head bowed over a book. When Alfred moved closer he saw that it wasn't one of his usual textbooks - instead it was fiction, an old children’s book that they’d had lying around the house.

It looked exactly the same as the one Martha Wayne had read to Bruce as a child, and somehow for the first time Alfred made the connection. This wasn't just an idea Bruce had had on the fly, instead it was something that had to have been in the works for ages. This was so that Bruce could avenge his parents, to make Gotham better like they would have wanted and to stop others from having the same thing happen to them.

Suddenly everything made a lot more sense. At the same time, it was also a lot more heartbreaking.

Alfred walked into the library slowly, getting Bruce’s attention before he stood next to him.

Bruce didn’t look up, and Alfred stood there for a minute trying to figure out what to say to him.

“Master Bruce,” he finally said, and Bruce turned his head slightly to him. “Are you… sure, about this training and crime fighting that you have your heart so set on?”

Bruce looked up long enough to level a glare. “Yes.”

“There are less dangerous ways to help,” he said. “I’m sure if they were still alive, your parents would much prefer those.”

Bruce’s head snapped up and Alfred didn’t _wince_ , but he regretted saying that with no warning.

Bruce looked him over, eyes wide. “You’re going to end this conversation with asking me to talk to someone, aren’t you?” The question wasn’t much of a question, as it was delivered as flatly as possible.

It was then Alfred knew the conversation wasn’t going to go how he had wanted it to. Bruce never reacted well to the idea of therapy, preferring to figure out all of his problems himself, and to make him think that that was what Alfred had wanted to talk to him about was sabotaging the conversation before it even started.

“Stop…” Bruce paused, looking for the right words. “Don’t try to fix me. I’m not broken,” he finally forced out, and Alfred’s heart broke for this child, who had lost so much at such a young age, and was still going on and trying to make himself better.

“Master Bruce,” Alfred started with a warm voice before pausing. “Bruce,” he amended. “I understand that you are still mourning your parents, but –“

Bruce cut him off, voice shaking. “It’s been years, Alfred. Shouldn’t I have moved on by now? Everyone says it stops hurting eventually but it hasn’t.” Tears started gathering in his eyes, and he wiped them away quickly before they could fall.

Alfred sighed, giving up all attempts at formality and sitting cross legged on the floor next to his charge.

“Bruce, I understand. All people mourn differently and what happens with other people won’t necessarily happen for you.”

Bruce looked up at him, tears still glistening. “Really?” He hesitated for a moment before putting his head on Alfred’s shoulder, and Alfred had to make an effort not to stiffen.

It was rare that they showed affection like this. Not unheard of, but rare. Alfred was a butler, and Bruce was his charge. There was a disconnect when it came to things like these.

Still, Alfred didn’t let that stop him this time. He put a hand around Bruce and pulled him closer.

“Really. And I’ll let you in on a secret,” he said, and Bruce nodded wordlessly, “I miss them every day as well.”

Bruce’s head snapped up and he looked questioningly up at Alfred.

“They were two of my closest friends,” he confided. “And I still feel their loss deeply, just as you do."

Bruce sighed. "It just..." he hiccupped. "It just hurts so much and I hate it, I hate it so much." Then he looked up at Alfred, his face covered with what almost looked like fear.

"But you know what's even worse?"

Alfred looked up him questioningly and Bruce gulped. "I hate myself even more for wishing that it didn't hurt. I... If it doesn't hurt," he paused, trying to find a way to put his feelings into words. "If it doesn't hurt, then... it's like I've forgotten them."

"That is not how grief works, Master Bruce," Alfred said. "Your parents would want you to be happy," he then said, changing how he was going about it. "I knew them for many years, and I like to think that I knew them well. They were good people. They would want you to move on and feel better, instead of endangering yourself trying to avenge them."

Bruce sighed. "It’s not just that. I mean, part of it is, but that’s not the only reason."

Alfred looked at him and waited for the explanation.

“I want to make sure that no one else has to go through that. No other kid has to watch their parents die like I did.” Bruce paused again. “I know it’s unlikely, but I want to make Gotham as safe for everyone as I possibly can.”

Alfred nodded and sighed. “If it’s what you have your heart set on, I shall not stop you.”

“Really?”

“But I will insist that you make sure you’re as safe as possible. And I shall be here every time you return, so that I can check.”

Bruce nodded. “If I died straight away it wouldn’t work anyway.”

Alfred raised a thin eyebrow. “Say that again, because I’m sure I’m mishearing and that’s not the only reason you are keeping yourself alive.”

Bruce suddenly looked uncomfortable. “Sorry, Alfred. It was… a joke.”

“It wasn’t funny. Now that we’ve sorted that out, get off the floor. We have couches in here for a reason.”

Bruce did, and Alfred stood up with him.

He promised himself, even if Bruce wouldn’t take care of himself, Alfred would always be there to do it for him.

“Now, I believe you haven’t eaten all day. Come along.” he started walking to the kitchen and Bruce followed him.

Maybe he wouldn’t be able to protect him while he was out there fighting, but Alfred would always be able to help him in these small ways.

He was sure Bruce would understand the sentiment behind it anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> working titles: Bruce and Alfred sad cry time, the Bruce and Alfred angst fic booster requested
> 
> this fic is also on [tumblr](https://bisexual-jason-todds.tumblr.com/post/169713494701/20-with-bruce-and-alfred)!! read it and reblog it and validate me


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